Is there anything left in this world that will satisfy me

I wish i could feel something. Actually feel something. I find when others are happy, I am left feeling empathetic. I walk through my neighborhood, past the twisted excuse for a tree I used to stand and talk to him. I find I don't really remember him that much anymore. A year's past since I last shed a tear over his name or even uttered it. I feel like sometimes I should have told him what I really felt. Word to the wise: always tell him what you feel.

I found my blade earlier. It's just as i remember it. Small. Compact. Clean. Cold. I put it away. The last thing I need is for someone to find it and start to ask questions.

I find its best to not think. I make myself numb. I don't want to experience the things in life that hurt. Sometimes when I think, I find my mind wanders a lot. I think about everything. I would rather not think.