alright so I'm totally working off the top of my head. I'm listening to the foo fighters "The Best of You" and so I'm kinda thinking about things. What does it really mean to be fully aware?
For some people it purely means that if you have to do something you can do it even if your eyes are closed. For others it just means being aware that things are happening to you. For me, it means that I can interpret what is happening around me and being able to tell when something is wrong. I guess in a sense it's my way of saying that I'm driven by my intuition.
I don't really know exactly what that means, but I do know that when I get a feeling, I follow it. No questions asked.
Well I guess, I might just turn this whole thing into a confessional. I guess it'd be cool ya know? Having some place where I can confess things I've done wrong. It would probably shed some light on a few things.
so lets start with square one: my parents are divorced and have been since I was 5. I guess that's part of the reason why I am the way I am. Living with one and not both of your parents is pretty tiresome, especially on a five year old. I guess part of me just wishes they would have i don't know have made up and got past their differences. I know part of me hoped they would. Yet, when my mom picked us up and and moved us to Pennsylvania, I wasn't even the slightest bit suprised. It's like, "why should I be suprised when I knew it was too good to be true?"
Second, is the fact that when I was 6, my dad tried to go camping with me and then canceled at the last minute and I ended up going with my uncles and my grandfather... which by the way isn't fun when he loses his hearing aid. I guess, being let down so much just kinda made me feel like it was my fault. The divorce at least.
Thirdly, when I was 7, my neighbor's dog chased me down the road... I know that probably doesn't seem so bad, but the dog was bigger than I was! That incident made me afraid of dogs for a few years.
Um, okay when I was 9, my twin brother set a firecracker off at school and tried to blame another kid for it. So I guess arsenist runs in my family. I mean i know it at least skipped me lol.
All the relationships I've been involved in have totally sucked. Ya know I have have 27 boyfriends since I was in middle school. And they all cheated on me except the last one, that not many people know about. Landon. He was the ideal boyfriend. Until... I found out he was cheating on his girlfriend -one of my closest friends, Kayleigh- with me. When we both realized it.. ahem because of my dumb exclamation.... "Ohmigosh! I am soo happy you and Landon broke up!" and she just stared at me like "what are you talking about?" Then, we hatched a plan. However, it totally blew up in my face, and so... I ended up making myself seem like a whore... other people's words not mine...
I guess I should probally learn from my actions, but for some reason, I do learn, but I just don't listen to it, or act like I do... ya know?
