you broke my heart, i'm taking it back from you

Have you ever felt like you've been kicked in the gut? The feeling of helplessness as u gasp for air? That's how I feel right now. You see, it wasn't that I didn't feel it coming, I just didn't want to believe it would happen again. Especially not with the same person. I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. He's going to keep lying to me, breaking my heart, and pretending it never happened... C'est la vie...

the pep rally 09

The football team

Random football player

Peyton, Sam, and Morgan

Keelan

The Band

stuff from last fall lol

Is there anything left in this world that will satisfy me

I wish i could feel something. Actually feel something. I find when others are happy, I am left feeling empathetic. I walk through my neighborhood, past the twisted excuse for a tree I used to stand and talk to him. I find I don't really remember him that much anymore. A year's past since I last shed a tear over his name or even uttered it. I feel like sometimes I should have told him what I really felt. Word to the wise: always tell him what you feel.

I found my blade earlier. It's just as i remember it. Small. Compact. Clean. Cold. I put it away. The last thing I need is for someone to find it and start to ask questions.

I find its best to not think. I make myself numb. I don't want to experience the things in life that hurt. Sometimes when I think, I find my mind wanders a lot. I think about everything. I would rather not think.

So here's something...

"And I shout that you're all fake and you should have seen the look on your face. And I guess that's what it takes when comparing your bellyaches. And it's been a long time which agrees with this watch of mine. And I guess that I miss you, and I'm sorry if I dissed you"

reasons to let go of the pain

Most people will tell you to let go of the pain, but, honestly, do they really know what you feel?

If I asked you to go for a walk with me would you, even if it was raining?

If I told you I loved you, would you feel the same?

Do I care?

Do you?

And if you did care would you care enough to save me?

or would you leave me in the flames?

End of the Semester

So I just took my VOCATs exam; I think I did pretty good. I'm sitting here with a gummy worm in my mouth passing the time til 10:30 I doubt I will type that long but I guess I might as well, right?

So I'm sitting here listening to this girl next to me hum to herself and the guys in our class are playing some stupid game and I wonder if I will miss these people. The ones I have spent the last hundred days or so.... Yeah, I seriously doubt it.. Jenna's sitting over there laughing and joking and just out right freaking me out because she's talking to herself... Anders is sitting in the computer in front of me acting like a freshmen and Nick is sitting there talking to himself randomly while attacking some animal and trying to save some... nope... attacking some weird looking people on this game and he just made his person take a leak randomly.... yeah.... um?!?!?!

Espen and Ben are sitting awfully close.. oh, wait, they're listening to an Ipod... Kevin Chou is getting confused and slightly afraid because he doesn't know how to play a game.. Nicholus Waked just scratched his head and Ben Thompson is sitting there being his freshmen self.... *sigh* Connor and Taylor were playing a game.. now Taylor's hovering over Adam.... Taylor's back at his computer behind me making some sick beat with his mouth.... John Hughey is talking... Taylor sneezed and I said "Bless you" how do you say thank you in Italian? "Prego" haha I was right.... Ugh..

I guess in a sad way I will miss these people.... In a strange way... too bad I'll probably forget 'em if i move.. well that's what they make facebook for, right?

..... Awkward.... Taylor.... Strange voice.... My life

this morning

Will we ever wake up unafraid?

It's like 1000 paper cuts soaked in vinegar. Like the battles with yourself that leave you insecure.It's all just a numbing charade until the day you finally wake up and you're not afraid.