End of the Semester

So I just took my VOCATs exam; I think I did pretty good. I'm sitting here with a gummy worm in my mouth passing the time til 10:30 I doubt I will type that long but I guess I might as well, right?

So I'm sitting here listening to this girl next to me hum to herself and the guys in our class are playing some stupid game and I wonder if I will miss these people. The ones I have spent the last hundred days or so.... Yeah, I seriously doubt it.. Jenna's sitting over there laughing and joking and just out right freaking me out because she's talking to herself... Anders is sitting in the computer in front of me acting like a freshmen and Nick is sitting there talking to himself randomly while attacking some animal and trying to save some... nope... attacking some weird looking people on this game and he just made his person take a leak randomly.... yeah.... um?!?!?!

Espen and Ben are sitting awfully close.. oh, wait, they're listening to an Ipod... Kevin Chou is getting confused and slightly afraid because he doesn't know how to play a game.. Nicholus Waked just scratched his head and Ben Thompson is sitting there being his freshmen self.... *sigh* Connor and Taylor were playing a game.. now Taylor's hovering over Adam.... Taylor's back at his computer behind me making some sick beat with his mouth.... John Hughey is talking... Taylor sneezed and I said "Bless you" how do you say thank you in Italian? "Prego" haha I was right.... Ugh..

I guess in a sad way I will miss these people.... In a strange way... too bad I'll probably forget 'em if i move.. well that's what they make facebook for, right?

..... Awkward.... Taylor.... Strange voice.... My life

this morning

Will we ever wake up unafraid?

It's like 1000 paper cuts soaked in vinegar. Like the battles with yourself that leave you insecure.It's all just a numbing charade until the day you finally wake up and you're not afraid.

'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing... just praying to a god that I don't believe in. 'Cause I got time while he got freedom.'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even."

"What am I supposed to do, when the best part of me was always you? And what am I supposed to say, when I'm all choked up but you're okay? I'm falling to pieces. I'm falling to pieces."

"They say bad things happen for a reason. But those wise words don't stop the bleeding"

"WHEN A HEART BREAKS NO IT DON'T BREAK EVEN!!!"

I popped a blood vessel in my eye!!!!

"Nobody out there wants to understand. And nobody out there takes me as I am. I'm feeling alone here. I know there's gotta be somebody somewhere. That's all she wrote."

I'm still walking the line that leads me home

It feels like I'm alone sometimes; like no one truely understands. I believe it is because of my own choices. I seem to push everyone away. Today, while at Bible study, it hit me: I don't think I can let anyone in; truely let them into my life. I know that sounds just like any other girl, but I realize I have never trusted anyone with everything that I am. I have, recently, opened up to a few people about my problem with cutting but I seriously don't think they get it.

I don't truely know why I cut, I just know that if I stop for a little, it gets ten times worse later. I went without it for two months, and then, new years eve I did it again. I have been told numerous times it is wrong, and I mean really do you guys really doubt I know it? I know it's bad for me.

Anyway, I was sitting in Bible study and I swear I could feel like everyone could see right through my front. I didn't say anything and no one said anything.

I feel so crappy right now. I don't know whether I should do it or just sit here....

I hate my life....

Genocide

So, apparently, I am supposed to do a report on genocide in english class after reading the Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. I have chosen to do the genocide of Christians throughout the world. I have examples such as: Caesar Nero, the genocide of Christians in India and Turkey. I found this really amazing, educational website. It's called </">www.Genocideofchristians.org>. I highly recommend this site to my christian friends. It shows further reasons why we should keep speaking the Word.

Je les aime,
Avery

The Truth about Avery

So I was thinking about myself and I just thought I should throw my ramblings down on a blog post.

As many of y'all know I was recently in a relationship with a good friend of mine, but when things didn't work out, the world kinda shut down. He started lying to me about things everyone else knew; it felt pretty bad. He became this big hypocrite to me, but no one else seemed to see it. It seems like the one's we trust the most always end up pushing us far away. I mean really I still want to be friends with him, but how can I when he's a complete contradiction. I doubt he'll read this so I'm just going to fume here.

I guess this is what I get. The aftermath is always worse than the beginning. It ends up feeling like someone is ripping off your skin and then pouring acid on it. I'm forced to walk around pretending to be okay when really I'm not. I have to battle with myself to keep from cutting because it's the only thing I know how to do in order to cope except write those crazy heart broken songs. I know I totally fit the mold of any teenage girl you can find on the street, but I'm not.

Anyways, I can't defend myself this second because I have to calm down, and do my homework.

Je l'adore,
Avery